“Penis Pokey” is fabulous–Quirk Books are great novelties

“PENIS POKEY” is “FABULOUS”

QUIRK BOOKS—great novelties

Amos Lassen

There is an extremely clever mind at Quirk Books in Philadelphia. Two new titles have recently been released and they are wonderful. Christopher Behrens is the idea behind “Penis Pokey”. It is an illustrated book that provides a new outlet for the penis. For ten bucks, a penis can be the center of attention—not that it isn’t. Behrens has compiled a book about the male sexual organ that has no nudity nor profanity nor sexual material of any kind. Now you ask, “How can a book about the penis have no nudity? Easy—you provide the penis. Here is a book that has a hole directly in the center of the page all the way through it—sort of like a doughnut—although I doubt many of us would stick our penis through a donut (I said many of us—I did not say all of us). There are seven pages (not including the cover which also can be used to stick the penis through and VOILA!!!!!!!!!!!!!—your penis is a star and can do various and sundry things. It can be a cabaret star. It can be an alien or a bronco, a banana for a monkey or a hot dog on a bun, a hose for a fireman or a river serpent, a worm on a hook or an appendage for a weight lifter. And once you get the idea you can also add pages and scenarios. Never have so many uses been found before for the male sexual organ. You can even do an arts and crafts project and use water colors to paint your penis to match the scenes. The possibilities are endless.

I received my copy by mail. I assumed that Barnes and Noble would not be carrying it. Imagine my surprise. I was browsing (or cruising) the gay and lesbian book section (Yes, Barnes and Noble in both Little Rock and North Little Rock have such a section—NLR has more fiction whereas LR has more “self help” and a glory hole in the men’s bathroom) and there was “Penis Pokey” on the shelf. It was looking kind of used however. I could only wonder if someone has taken it into the men’s room for some candid shots. The corners of the heavy cardboard pages were sort of messed up and the book had that kind of used feeling. What is important is that it was at a major bookstore so I guess we can state that the penis like the gay movement has come a long way. This book makes a wonderful gift and is great to liven up the most boring event. Likewise it can be used for some of the most interesting camera shots ever. Imagine someone flicking on your picture on gay.com and finding your penis on a hot dog bun or in the peel of a banana. It gives a whole new meaning to the penis.

“How to Say Fabulous in 8 Different Languages” is also a book you don’t want to be without. You just never know when the right guy comes along and you do have to be able to converse. It is a hilarious and “outrageous” new travel book and it will help you get what you want almost everywhere. The languages included are French, Spanish, German, Italian, Japanese, Portuguese and Russian and of course English. Noticeably missing are Swahili, Greek, Hebrew, Bantu, and Cherokee. Did Gerard Mryglot and Ted Marks, the authors, think we may not visit places where these languages are not the only ones spoken? I also noted that he did not include Arkansanese.  I suppose we must limit ourselves to the countries where these are spoken so do not plan a trip to Togo land in search of man sex. Some of the phrases that are translated are extremely practical and some are totally useless unless you already know the language. I can’t imagine why anyone visiting France would say “Je veux te sucer la bite” or “Te me dechires en deux!” out of context.

A couple of other things you should know before you go on that next trip abroad are phrases such as:

“You’ve had worse things in your mouth”.

“Is your country plagued by religious fundamentalists?” and “Is there a park where gay people hang out?” Of course you may want to add “What about my needs?” to your globe hopping vocabulary as well.

By and large it is a fun book I had several good laughs reading it but I am just sorry that I will never have the chance to use any of these wonderful phrases in the outback of Australia where Maori is the spoken language. Maybe the authors will write a second edition.

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