“Making Love, Playing Power: Men, Women and the Rewards of Intimate Justice”–gender, race, sexual orientation, money and power

Dolan-Del Vecchio, Ken. “Making Love, Playing Power: Men, Women, and the Rewards of Intimate Justice”, Soft Skull Press, 2008.

Gender, Race, Sexual Orientation, Money and Power

Amos Lassen

“Making Love, Playing Power” is an amazing book and although the title seems to indicate that it is meant for straight couples, there is a lot here that can be adapted for our community. Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, a family therapist and organizational consultant, looks at the theories of styles of communication and gender roles to find the real reason that many relationships today face a myriad of problems and he feels it s because power is misused. This affects not only individuals but nations and interest groups as well. The foundation of power is based upon not only money but upon race, sexual orientation and gender. And the power these provide does not include love.

One simple statement leads to Dolan-Del Vecchio’s thesis and that is that the reason that men do not listen is because they can get away with not listening. Naturally this is not something that men want to admit. The author shows how the connection between love and equality are stressed and then gives helpful suggestions on how to go about achieving both love and equality.

The author looks at the issues head on and he does not hold back. Men will learn how to be men in terms of showing love and in the process they will recognize and learn to deal with ways of making changes in their lives. Many men feel that what they learn about being men interferes with their ability to love and Dolan-Del Vecchio takes the reader by the hand through a critical exploration of “love, manhood, and partnership in the contemporary world”.

This is a book that is invaluable as well as provocative and revolutionary. It seems strange that something as simple as fairness could be such a big issue but this book shows how it is. It is absolutely necessary for love to exist and shows how that without it, love quickly dies.

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