So Bad It’s Good
“Family Secrets” is an awful movie. It has nothing going for it. The story is weak, the acting stinks and it is very low budget—but, I enjoyed it. It is the story of the family Bunton and what a family it is. Robert and Alice are the parents and they are worried (although they seem overjoyed) that their son Phil is gay. They devise a plan to “ungay” him on his 21st birthday by hiring a hooker. Robert loves the idea and takes on the job of finding the right girl and he finds Minx, a hefty, tattooed blonde who is caught in the spiral of life. She has to pay her pimp as well as stay ahead of the ex-cop who is tailing her. She accepts the job even though one of the conditions is that she must be available to anyone (in the family) who wants her. She moves into the Bunton house as a party planner and she becomes part of the family. We soon learn that Phil is not gay in the least and he is in love with his best friend’s girlfriend. Then Minx falls in love with him and we watch the disintegration of an American family.
This is the sickest family I have ever seen. Robert is sexually depraved, Alice is sexy and loved by her son’s best friend but who, herself, has lesbian desires. Phil is sure that the only reason he has parents is so that they can torture him. With secrets like they have, it is a wonder that anyone has any time to live.