“EULOGY FOR A VAMPIRE”–“your teeth are in my …”

Eulogy for a Vampire”

Your Teeth are in My….

Amos Lassen

“Eulogy for a Vampire” is a very ambitious, alternative vampire film that is loaded with Hitchcock style horror, religions, vampire legend, B class film raw blood, sin and vengeance, and of course homosexuality. This is a gay vampire film that manages to be filled with controversial topics. But the film seems lose its consistency in narration and cinematic style. Everything that happens does so in a closed space and the chaos that happened was caused by an intruder with the ghost vampire. If you like light horror film, plus raw bloody fresh scene in B class films, and you don’t decline to watch men sexual action between monks, you may want to try this alternative vampire film.

In this film directed by Patrick McGuinn, monks have boyfriends and smoke, but it’s hardly glamorous. The movie tries to weld gay porn and operatic B-horror and it is not totally successful but fun nevertheless. There is lotif flesh and bloodabounds in scarred flesh and vampire ritual but in the last 15 minutes. Up until then, this story of guilt, lust, and vengeance in a rural monastery is very tame and perhaps it is fair to say that it is sloppy. Somewhere in the narrative, which covers a 25-year legacy of a crime of passion, is a kind of statement about the results of sexual repression, but the film is too unfocused to register a consistent theme or attitude. Despite the occasional thrill–a trio of hooded creatures ravaging a naked man, a priest rubbing his face in a used pair of white male underwear and a few “tasteful” displays of soft-core sex, this is one gay vampire film that needs a transfusion.

This film is aimed at those who find the mix of religious imagery, whippings, animal blood, amateurish cinematography and moronic dialogue to be arousing. It looks at an all-male religious order whose members seem to spend no time at all in spiritual reflection but quite a lot of time groping one another.

The head guy is Father Anthony (Wilson Hand) who years earlier killed another novitiate and stuck his body in a trunk in the basement. Now gutted animals are showing up on the front lawn, and a mysterious stranger is getting everyone all hot and bothered.

It’s hard to imagine anyone watching this attempt at a horror film without laughing and it is not a comedy. In brief, “Eulogy” is set in a rundown monastery at some time and it is located somewhere. There several monks, experience male bonding, both literally and sometimes graphically and some become blood brothers of the vampire type.
In a prologue, we see Father Anthony kill a brother who refused his amorous attentions. Then twenty-five years later, when a stranger with no memory is found on the monastery grounds, Anthony has flashbacks of his victim.

These are not my kind of vampires and probably not yours either unless you like heavy breathing, underwear sniffing, cringe-inducing blood sucking, murder by stabbing or hanging, grainy, underexposed cinematography and lousy acting. There’s a fair share of stomach-churning blood and guts here, but it’s also very amateurish like the rest of the film itself. Ultimately, “Eulogy for a Vampire” drags and suffers from a painfully contrived screenplay. It’s a poorly-directed, lifeless mess with wooden performances and pretentious cinematography. But it is also a laugh fest.

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